I want a pair of these so bad I’m almost this close to turning tricks to earn enough money to buy it.
Yes, it’s another sleepless stretch in one of the most interesting stages in my life. Welcome to the so-called winter of my discontent. But I’m pretty sure a pair of these shoes would make everything alright.
If I were to have a pair of Chloe Round-Toed Wedge Shoes (My, what a mouthful!), I would then merely have to click my heels together to navigate through the sea of lemming-like pedestrians. These shoes would raise my IQ by fifty points. These shoes would make me capable of finding the solution to world hunger and political strife.
Categories: Dirty Thoughts · What-Nots
Playing beat-cop-turned-CSI Ryan Wolfe on CSI: Miami (the most GQ-inspired CSI incarnation of them all), Jonathan Togo grew on me. I mean, on first sight, he looks like Jake Gyllenhaal’s fraternal twin. I swear, if my eyes weren’t pronounced 20/20, I don’t think I could tell them apart quickly. Check out Jake Gyllenhaal:
In fact, Jonathan Togo’s resemblance to Jake Gyllenhaal was remarked upon in an episode where office secretaries went gaga over the investigators. But while Jake Gyllenhaal is always pretty no matter what angle he is shot from, Jonathan Togo has the tendency to look goofy when the camera homes in on him from the side.
Jonathan Togo is the kind of eye candy you have to see often in order for you to appreciate how yummy he could be. Your mouth will start to water sometime after you catch him for the third straight time.
And I found out that Jonathan Togo is left-handed. Oh, gee! I always wanted to do it with a fellow lefty.
Categories: Dirty Thoughts · Men and Other Creatures · Stupid Dirt
Nice girls don’t really finish last. They just let you think they do.
What they really want to do is sneak up from behind you (referring to power-hungry dirty racers) with a huge axe, which they have every intention of using to decapitate you. If you’re lucky, they just want to scare you. The thing is, when nice girls go for the axe, they’re already way past the point of just wanting to scare you. By then, you will be at the point where you are shit out of luck.
Never underestimate and or take advantage of girls who smile too much or are too agreeable all the time. If you cut across their path once too often, you’re bound to lose your head (literally or figuratively) soon.
Case in point: Ultimate Nice Girl Turned Nasty Lizzie Borden (1860-1927), who snapped and axed her dad and stepmom who had probably messed with her in some way. Take a look at Lizzie’s photo. Doesn’t she look like the typical nice girl whom you can make fun and take advantage of?
Lizzie’s modern-day incarnations may be closer to you than you think. (Insert evil laughter here.) Mind you, today’s Lizzies may choose not to use an axe.
Speaking of which, another “Lizzie” antedated Miss Borden.
Queen Elizabeth I (1533-1601) was also bullied as a kid, what with people telling her that she was the daughter of a mistress over and over again. When she occuppied the throne, bullies and opportunists once again came out of the woodwork to get at her. She sure let loose her fury later on.
You’ll know that a nice girl is about to reach for her weapon of choice when she gets this sort of zombie look:
Remember that while the females who see themselves as alpha women who’ve got it all together (they look as if they’re tough, they talk as if they’re tough, and they have all kinds of props that make it seem as if they’re tough), it’s the nice girls who discover their nasty streaks who will eventually triumph. Why? It’s poetic justice. Being too nice grants girls who have been put through the wringer every right to go for the axe. It’s not wise to let a nice girl discover her capacity to be heartless or you’re in for a whole lot of bloody shit. Maybe even literally.
Keep thinking dirty, troops.
Categories: Dirty Thoughts · Super Pop Dirt · What-Nots
