I’ve been feeling so tired lately that it seems like I can barely
finish my last few work tasks without the help of stimulants. This hamster picture captures my untimely burned out look:
There are people I don’t want to deal with anymore and if I had a choice, I’d just happily review books all day. Then again, ingrained in me is the genetic code for worker bees. A drone’s gotta do what a drone’s gotta do. Technically, yes, drones are male bees but, hey, I’m no queen-bee-in-the-making.
Anyway, in moments like these, I resort to mind game called “What Could Be Worse?” And I tell you, the game often works…especially if I’m making a real effort to give myself a buzz and if Google is just a click away.
So here are the syndromes I don’t want to have:
Alice in Wonderland Syndrome (AIWS)
According to Wikipedia, this syndrome starts off with a migraine. Yikes. Lately, I have been getting migraine attacks more often. I sure hope I don’t develop AIWS because it’d be hell to shop for groceries if I get it. Besides, how will I convince guys to hook up with me if I can’t say, “Wow, honey, you’re soooooo big!” truthfully?
Alice in Wonderland syndrome (AIWS), or micropsia, is a disorienting neurological condition which affects human visual perception. Subjects perceive humans, parts of humans, animals, and inanimate objects as substantially smaller than in reality. Generally, the object perceived appears far away or extremely close at the same time. For example, a family pet, such as a dog, may appear the size of a mouse, or a normal car may look shrunk to scale. The condition is in terms of perception only; the mechanics of the eye are not affected, only the brain’s interpretation of information passed from the eyes.
Alien Hand Syndrome
Ever hear the saying, “Idle hands do the devil’s work”? This syndrome proves it. But if I got this, I hope that if I do get afflicted with this syndrome, my “alien hand” decides to dust my shelves or shoot someone I hate. Afterwards, I could then cheerfully say, “It wasn’t me.”
Alien hand syndrome (also known as the Anarchic Hand or Dr. Strangelove Syndrome) is an unusual neurological disorder, a form of apraxia in which one of the sufferer’s hands seems to take on a mind of its own. AHS is best documented in cases where a person has had the two hemispheres of their brain surgically separated, a procedure sometimes used to relieve the symptoms of extreme cases of epilepsy. It also occurs in some cases after other brain surgery, strokes, or infections.
Exploding Head Syndrome
Now, really. I laughed when I read about this. Could it be for real? I wish it on the people who don’t plan to pay me back the money they owe me.
Exploding Head Syndrome is a condition first reported by a British physician in 1988 that causes the sufferer to occasionally experience a tremendously loud noise as if from within his or her own head, usually described as an explosion or a roar. This usually occurs within an hour or two of falling asleep, but is not the result of a dream. Although perceived as tremendously loud, the noise is usually not accompanied by pain. Attacks appear to increase and decrease in frequency over time, with several attacks occurring in a space of days or weeks followed by months of remission.
Triple X Syndrome
This syndrome is not really as bad or as dirty as it sounds. It just means that the female afflicted with it has an extra “X” chromosome. It doesn’t result in any physical problems at all. It’s just that the female with the extra “X” may be adorned with a face that could launch a thousand ships. (I’m kidding.) And, on second thought, I won’t mind having this syndrome. If you read its general “symptoms,” I think you won’t be able to stop yourself from thinking about supermodels.
It is a form of chromosomal variation characterized by the presence of an extra X chromosome in each cell of a human female. Females with the condition (about 0.1 % of the female population) are not at any increased risk for medical problems. Females with the condition are usually taller than average, and their weight may be low in comparison to their height. They may have menstrual irregularities, and, although rarely exhibiting severe mental impairments, sometimes have an increased risk of learning disabilities, delayed speech, and language skills.
Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome
Now, this syndrome isn’t exactly harmful but it could obviously cause problems.
This results in a spontaneous and persistent genital arousal, with or without orgasm or genital engorgement, unrelated to any feelings of sexual desire. There is not enough known about Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome to definitively pinpoint a cause. Medical professionals think it is caused by an irregularity in sensory nerves, and note that the disease has a tendency to strike post-menopausal women in their 40s and 50s, or those who’ve undergone hormonal treatment. But, there have also been cases reported among women in their 30s.
As Americans say… “I’ll take the fifth, please!” Yes, I know it’s out of context but I can’t help myself. Back to work I must go, but nobody can stop me from thinking dirty thoughts.
Keep thinking dirty, troops.
