ONE HECK OF A PUSSY

In the mascot merchandising world, it’s the macho characters like Colonel Sanders, Ronald McDonald, Mickey Mouse, and Chester Cheetah who are the superstars.

Any female mascot or character than you can think of is either mostly unseen like the little red-haired Wendy’s girl (whom I have never seen walking around in the flesh or on live TV coverages) or designated as a consort to the male mascot like Minnie Mouse.

But there’s one female mascot who can make the macho characters eat dirt. That’s none other than Hello Kitty.

The macho machinery’s attempt to “tame” her, though, is still evident. Hello Kitty, as she is rendered in her portraits, has no mouth. The irony of a pussy having no mouth is just too funny to even dissect.

But I digress. Mouth or no mouth, Hello Kitty is a merchandising force to reckon with. This was why I thought it was an absolute necessity to unearth her history. This is what I dug up from Wikipedia:

Hello Kitty was created in 1974 by the Sanrio Company of Japan in Tokyo, Japan. Registered in 1976, Hello Kitty is now a globally known trademark.

Originally, Hello Kitty was supposed to have been named “Kitty White” (from one of the cats that Alice kept in the book Through the Looking-Glass by Lewis Carroll), due to British culture being popular with in Japanese girls at the time of her inception. However, this name was not adopted. The name “Hello Kitty” originated from a mistranslation of the name of Japan’s famous maneki neko or “welcoming cat,” the primary inspiration for the character.

When Hello Kitty’s boyfriend “Dear Daniel” was created in 1999, designers took his name from the 1971 film Melody, which starred Mark Lester (who also played the title role in the musical Oliver) as a character named Daniel.

Hello Kitty’s fictional world includes a whole array of friends and family members. Since 2004, she has even had a pet cat of her own called Charmmy Kitty and a pet hamster called Sugar. Charmmy resembles Hello Kitty but has more cat-like features. Charmmy Kitty was given to Hello Kitty by her father, George White, and Sugar by Dear Daniel.

Upon reading the entry, I was appalled by the realization that I don’t know Hello Kitty all that well! She has a boyfriend! She has a pet cat! She has a whole damn extended family!

You can’t blame me for what I did next. I went on hyper-Google mode and found the pussy’s bio.

Real name: Kitty
Birthday: November 1
Birthplace: Suburban London, England
Weight: The same as 3 apples
Likes: Small, cute things. Candy, stars, goldfish, etc.

Kitty is a cheerful, warm-hearted little girl. Baking cookies is her forte, but what she enjoys most is eating a slice of Mama’s apple pie! Kitty and her twin sister Mimmy are the best of friends.

I was especially curious about what sort of creature would win the pussy’s heart. This here is the pussy’s significant other:

And here’s his bio:

Real Name: Daniel Star
Birthday: May 3 (He’s the same age as Hello Kitty!)
Zodiac sign: Taurus
Birthplace: London, England
Hobby: photographing wildlife
Good at: dancing and playing the piano
Future dream: to be a famous photographer, or a celebrity
Favorite foods: cheesecake, yogurt
Family: Papa, Mama, and one younger brother
Trademark: a hairstyle that defies gravity (in other words, it sticks up…)
Personality: Daniel is moved by the smallest thing. He is very sentimental, and a bit naive. His fashion sense, though, is second to none: Daniel knows how to dress totally cool!

Daniel was Hello Kitty’s childhood companion. As babies, they frolicked and played together. Daniel’s father was posted to Africa, however, so the whole family departed. After living in several locations around the world, Daniel ended up in New York, and from there, he returned to England where he was reunited with Kitty. Thanks to his stint in New York and his natural sense of rhythm, Daniel is a pretty awesome hip-hop dancer.

Dear Daniel, for some reason, has a more extensive bio than Hello Kitty. I found that rather curious. I noted, however, that Hello Kitty might have lied about her weight. She weighs as much as three apples???!!! Did Hello Kitty have body image issues?

Then I remembered that she has no mouth. She’s probably fed apple juice intravenously or what.

Despite the questionable details about her anatomy, Hello Kitty continues to be an inspiration to people all over the world. As it turns out, she is an inspiration in more ways than one could imagine. Case in point: somebody thought of making a Hello Kitty vibrator!!!

A fancy pussy to be used for pussy? Good Lord. What next? Hello Kitty birth control pills? Hello Kitty feminine wash? Hello Kitty tampons?

All I can say is, “Meowrrrrhhhhh!” Let’s hear it for the cat with no mouth. She sure is one heck of a pussy. And, really, she can kick Mickey Mouse’s ass if she wanted to. Plus, she’s got nine freaking lives. Fair enough trade off for the mouth, I guess.

---

Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)

• Adorable Hello Kitty Bento
• Hello kitty
• All About: Hello Kitty