REVIRGINIZED

I found myself transfixed by yet another Oprah interview the other night. This time Lady O featured Madonna talking about her adoption of the adorable little boy from Malawi. Madonna was polished, articulate, and very dignified with her statements. I dare say she’s become more English than American.

However since my brain works in perverted ways, I started thinking about just how much Madonna has transformed since she first strutted into the pop music scene with the monster hit, “Like a Virgin.”

“Like a Virgin” ruled the music charts way back in late 1984 and early 1985. Madonna performed the song in the first ever MTV Video Music Awards in 1985. Gosh, has it really been 23 years since she first shocked the public?

Anyway, the song was deemed provocative. This was especially so for Catholics since Madonna had the gall to wear a white wedding gown for the video. If I’m not mistaken, the video also featured a lion. When I first saw the video at age nine, I didn’t exactly get the symbolism concerning the animal. Honestly, I still don’t. A lion may have the ability to copulate 60 times a day but it’s not exactly the animal kingdom’s best bet for most sexy animal. A snake would have worked better, really.

Despite the miscasting of the lion, “Like a Virgin” established Madonna as a pop culture provocateur. “Like a Virgin,” of course, became an anthem of sorts. Again, I was never really sure what it was an anthem for. I, like everyone else, concentrated on the word, “virgin.”

I was not the only one who was thrown off by the song. The nuns at my friend Sugar’s school reportedly ordered Sugar and the rest of her fourth grade classmates to dance to this tune at a school presentation. Trust Cathlolics to latch on to the V-word without thinking! (I know I did.) I doubt if those nuns knew exactly what the song was trying to say. I pray they never get to accidentally watch Quentin Tarantino’s niftiest gangster flick to date.

Thanks to Mr. Tarantino, I now know what “Like a Virgin” is really all about. In his fabulous 1992 film, Reservoir Dogs, Quentin Tarantino paid tribute to the “Like a Virgin” by making his characters discuss it extensively in the opening scene.

Check out the transcript of the said dissection:

Let me tell you what “Like A Virgin” is about. It’s all about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick. The entire song is a metaphor for big dicks.

No, it ain’t. It’s about a girl who’s very vulnerable. She’s been fucked over a few times and she meets a guy who’s sensitive.

Whoa. Timeout. Tell that bullshit to the tourists.

Toby? Who the fuck is Toby?

“Like A Virgin” is not about some sensitive girl who meets a nice fella. That’s what “True Blue” is about. No argument about that.

- Which one is “True Blue”?
- It was a big-ass hit for Madonna.

I don’t even follow that top-of-the-pops shit, and I’ve heard of “True Blue.”

I didn’t say I ain’t heard of it. All I asked is, how’s it go? Excuse me for not being the world’s biggest Madonna fan.

Personally, I can do without her.

I used to like her early stuff, “Borderline”…but once she got off with that “Papa, Don’t Preach” phase, I tuned out.

Hey, you guys are making me lose my train of thought here. I was sayin’ something. What was it?

Oh, Toby’s that little Chinese girl.

- What was her last name?
- What’s that?

It’s an old address book I found in a coat I haven’t worn in a coon’s age.

- What was that name?
- What the fuck was I talkin’ about?

You said “True Blue” was about a guy–

…a sensitive girl who meets a nice guy…but “Like A Virgin” was a metaphor for big dicks. Let me tell you what “Like A Virgin” is about. It’s all about this cooze who’s a regular fuck machine. I’m talkin’ morning, day, night, afternoon…dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick!

-How many “dicks” is that?
-A lot.

Then one day, she meets this John Holmes motherfucker. It’s like, “Whoa, baby.” He’s like Charles Bronson in “The Great Escape.” He’s diggin’ tunnels. Now she’s gettin’ serious dick action. She’s feelin’ somethin’ she ain’t felt since forever: pain, pain.

Chew? Toby Chew?

It hurts. It hurts her. It shouldn’t hurt her. Her pussy should be Bubble-Yum by now. But when this cat fucks her, it hurts. It hurts just like it did the first time. You see, the pain is reminding a fuck machine…what it was once like to be a virgin. Hence, “Like A Virgin.”

How about that? You know you’ve really made it when Quentin Tarantino refers to you in his his movie. I wonder how Madonna reacted when she heard about this.

“Like a Virgin” even reestablished its position in pop culture in 2003 , when Madonna once again performed “Like a Virgin” alongside Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera.

Perhaps in a bid to outperform her performance years ago, Madonna (with the help of Britney) ended the number with this:

The gesture, which had tongues wagging, had the same effect on me as the presence of the lion in the video. I mean, I know it was supposed to be provocative. But I was dismayed to realize that I was not provoked to do anything as a reaction to the act. I guess I was not the target audience for it.

Even so, it goes to show how much one provocative song can change how the world thinks about virgins–both genuine ones or revirginized ones.

Heck, it’s still giving me goosebumps.