FIVE ACTORS WHO CAN PROBABLY PLAY JUDAS ISCARIOT

Enough fuss has been made over what Jesus Christ looked like. But it is my firm belief that the debate has been settled and I have Mel Gibson to thank for casting Jim Caviezel as God’s Only Begotten Son in The Passion of the Christ. Jim Caviezel is, by far, the yummiest pretend-Jesus I know. This is why Mel Gibson, despite his run-in with the law last year was blessed with another monster hit: Apocalypto.

On the other hand, Martin Scorsese, who cast Willem Dafoe (the same guy who played The Green Goblin in Spider-Man) as his unconventional Jesus in 1988’s The Last Temptation of Christ, was not blessed with an Oscar until recently for his work in 2006’s The Departed. That’s roughly 18 years before God forgave Martin Scorsese for casting a Jesus who was, to say the least, not too cute. Check out Willem Dafoe as Jesus:

Does God really work in mysterious ways all the time? Martin Scorsese knows the answer to that question. Don’t get me wrong. I dig Willem Dafoe’s craggy, sexy-ugly features. But I don’t see myself asking him to heal me. Look at him! He looks like he could skin you alive if you dare to even think of selling trinkets in front of the temple!

On the other hand, here’s Jim Caviezel’s Jesus look:

All I know is, Mel Gibson secured his spot in God’s List of Heavenly People when he cast Jim Caviezel as Jesus. (Plus, we musn’t forget that Mel Gibson won an Oscar for directing a movie about a martyred Catholic in Braveheart. Heck, the movie also took home the Best Picture Oscar.) So, yes, I can definitely see myself washing Jim Caviezel’s feet and drying his adorable toes with my hair.

But enough of Jesus. He now has a cinematic representation that’s worthy of his stature. It’s time for us to focus on the character who played a pivotal role in Jesus’ ultimate sacrifice: Judas Iscariot. He who kissed and then turned stool pigeon on Jesus for 30 pieces of silver.

I’m bothered by the fact that hardly anyone has made a conscious effort to cast a cute Judas Iscariot. And, unfortunately, I am crazy enough to make a big deal out of it. What can I say? I need a break.

Scholars say that Judas was thought to have red hair. I came across this wonderful article by Ruth Mellinkoff, “Judas’ Red Hair and the Jews,” over at the Jewish Heritage Online Magazine.

Here’s what Mellinkoff wrote:

Over time, Judas came to be seen as the archetypal Jew. He was said to have red hair, which was proverbially called “Judas-colored”, and the ancient stereotype of Jews was that they had red hair, too. In Shakespeare’s The Merchant of Venice the Jewish money-lender Shylock is said to have been portrayed with red hair on the Elizabethan stage.

A repertoire of attributes developed in subsequent centuries so that in the visual arts Judas was distinguished from the other apostles in various ways. To mention only a few: sometimes he was portrayed in strict profile or without a nimbus, or with a dark-colored nimbus; sometimes he was depicted beardless among the bearded, or hiding a stolen fish; later a yellow robe and a money purse for Judas became popular attributes.

And, notably, in the art of northern Europe in the later Middle Ages and Renaissance, artists frequently used hideous, deformed features to render Judas as hateful as possible, sometimes transforming those features into Jewish caricatures. Red hair, red beard, ruddy skin (or all three), though less frequently employed, were also used to make Judas stand out from the crowd. It should be emphasized, however, that the attributes used to characterize Judas such as yellow robe, money bag, caricatured Jewish features and red hair or ruddiness, among others, entered the visual arts as separate traditions. Not unexpectedly, different attribute-traditions sometimes met, combined, or overlapped. This is what happened along the way with Judas’ red hair and the Jews.

There are other references to Judas’ red hair or beard in literature, starting from the sixteenth century: in Shakespeare’s As You Like It, in William Golding’s The Spire (1964) and in John Le Carre’s The Honourable Schoolboy (1980).

With that in mind, I then wondered: If Mel Gibson made a movie about Judas, who would he pick to play him?

Mel, baby, I have five guys in mind:

James Spader has always looked good playing nefarious characters. I especially liked him in 2 Days in the Valley and Wolf. I don’t know how he does it. For all I know, he could be the nicest guy alive but, heck, he looks good when he’s bad. He could portray Judas as one sexy beast.

Ever think of Judas as the nice boy next door? Seth Green, who was adorable as the angst-ridden son of Dr. Evil in the Austin Powers series, sure fits the bill. He has a face that Jesus could love and trust. Besides, Seth Green is a great actor who should not be confined to supporting roles.

Does Ron Howard have the face of traitor or what? Mel, I think you should consider casting against type and ask Ron Howard to get back to his acting roots. Hey, he’s got red hair! After all, this guy’s a former child star–which means that he, as Judas, can really relate to Jesus. I mean, hey, Jesus was a child star, too! Jesus’ “star power” was even literal on the day he was born. Mel, I have faith in Ron Howard’s ability to play the kind of Judas whose betrayal will really hurt Jesus. It’d be like if Danny Glover’s character had betrayed you in Lethal Weapon. Can you imagine the pain? With Ron Howard, the Judas movie will become a tearjerker.

Eric Stoltz was a Brat Pack hunk in the 1980s. I first saw him in Some Kind of Wonderful and thought he was quietly charming. I beg you, Mel. Watch Eric Stoltz playing an angel in a little-known movie called The Prophecy. That ought to give you an idea about Eric Stoltz’s ability to look unexpectedly holy yet nasty.

As the lusty violinist in The Red Violin, Jason Flemyng was a dream. He’d play Judas like a Biblical Jim Morrison, I’m sure. Give this Brit a go, Mel. He won’t disappoint you. He was also cool in Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels.

So, there you have it, Mel. What do you say? Feel up for a Judas movie? Can you put in a good word for me at the William Morris Agency, now? Let’s do lunch sometime. I don’t care where you are. I’d break into your rehab facility to get this Judas movie made.