1. Advil
Advil is my new Ponstan–which was perfectly okay until I developed a resistance to it. After inhaling the Liquified Petroleum Gas fumes from my neighbor’s kitchen, which opens up to a vent leading to my sleeping area, I just pop two red Advil pills and I’m good to go.
2. Flanax
For killer migraines or migraines that make you want to kill, Flanax is the solution. It’s at least P40 per pop but it’s worth it. It even comes in a nice powder blue shade.
3. Rhinopront
This tiny pill makes my allergic rhinitis go away. I’m averse to sleeping pills but Rhinopront is a great substitute. A Rhinopront capsule looks like it’s got teeny-weeny dot candies inside it. Of course, after being knocked out by Rhinopront, you wake up feeling like you swallowed a giant ball of cotton. Take one or two and you feel like you’ve been up and down the stairs 50 times. Take three and you’re going to wake up thinking a crime syndicate representative has drugged you and has stolen one of your kidneys.
4. Decolgen
From time to time, this cheap tablet that’s meant to ease nasal congestion is a nice buzz-inducer. You get a warm fuzzy feeling when you drink two tablets and you’ll sleep nicely. But, alas, it is hell on the liver.
5. Mucosolvan
This is the cough medicine of champions. Bothersome barking is totally gone after a couple of days of taking this white tablet.
There you have it. The substances that I abuse along with potato chips and salt. Kids, never self-medicate unless you’re the child of health workers. If symptoms persist, run to the hospital. If you’re as stubborn as most Filipinos, wait until you’re almost dead or when it’s too late for doctors to help before you beg to be carted off to a hospital.
This blog entry is meant for satirical purposes only and the writer cannot be held liable for other people’s stupidity. But the writer is more than willing to take credit for introducing people to the miracles brought about by these pills. Self-medication–like bisexuality and role-playing in the bedroom–is not for the faint of heart or the feeble-minded. Pray before you pop.
